experimenting is fine *between spouses*, breaking your cherished values is not

Q: I just wanted to ask when a man and women are married in islam is it allowed for a husband to experiment with sex on his wife? For example they live in a modern society and its common for mens to pick up on different types of sex positions or even sex desires. However if the wife doesnt feel comfortable with things that the husband is desiring to do and sometimes she has no choice but to do it, is that allowed? The desires that the husband is wanting is more what he had seen in a porn video so i won’t mention what they are. but to be honest they are sick so please give me an answer if a wife to obey his commands on such things which makes a wife feel sick and she is told to do without a choice. i know a wife should fulfill her husbands satisfaction, but is he allowed to do all this? Thanx.
A: We are living in a society where watching things that are haram has become the norm. For a healthy relationship, you both should eliminate viewing that which is haram. In later life it would affect your relationship as well as the sexual health of your relationship.  (Read our response on pornography.)
A man and woman can do whatever they chose as it releates to sexual positions and loving making, so long as they enter into places that are halal. Sodomy is not permissible in Islam. Likewise, there is not need for obedience when the laws of Lawmaker is violated. So safe guard the integrity of yourself and marriage, you adult related matters must better negotiated by you and your partner.
If you do not feel comfortable due to pain, etc. explain this to your husband. I am sure he would listen to your request.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
(Dictated by author.)
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One response to “experimenting is fine *between spouses*, breaking your cherished values is not

  1. http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2011/06/2011630143536779660.html

    “The addictive potential is also identical: just as gamblers and cocaine users can become compulsive, needing to gamble or snort more and more to get the same dopamine boost, so can men consuming pornography become hooked. As with these other reward triggers, after the dopamine burst wears off, the consumer feels a letdown – irritable, anxious, and longing for the next fix. (There is some new evidence, uncovered by Jim Pfaus at Concordia University in Canada, that desensitisation may be affecting women consumers of pornography as well.)

    This dopamine effect explains why pornography tends to become more and more extreme over time: ordinary sexual images eventually lose their power, leading consumers to need images that break other taboos in other kinds of ways, in order to feel as good. Moreover, some men (and women) have a “dopamine hole” – their brains’ reward systems are less efficient – making them more likely to become addicted to more extreme porn more easily.

    As with any addiction, it is very difficult, for neurochemical reasons, for an addict to stop doing things – even very self-destructive things – that enable him to get that next hit of dopamine. Could this be why men who in the past could take time-delayed steps to conduct affairs behind closed doors now can’t resist the impulse to send a self-incriminating text message? If so, such men might not be demons or moral ciphers, but rather addicts who are no longer entirely in control of themselves.

    This is not to say that they are not responsible for their behavior. But I would argue that it is a different kind of responsibility: the responsibility to understand the powerfully addictive potential of pornography use, and to seek counseling and medication if the addiction starts to affect one’s spouse, family, professional life, or judgment.

    By now, there is an effective and detailed model for weaning porn-addicted men and restoring them to a more balanced mental state, one less at the mercy of their compulsions. Understanding how pornography affects the brain and wreaks havoc on male virility permits people to make better-informed choices – rather than engage in pointless self-loathing or reactive collective judgments – in a world that has become more and more addictively hardcore”