Q: Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu,
Dear Respected Brother,
I was hoping to receive your advice regarding some marital issues.
I have recently got married but I am really doubting whether or not I made the right decision. After seeing just one picture of my wife, I decided to get married as by that point my dad had already gone to the other family to speak to them and I did not want him to lose face. I thought she is not the prettiest woman but that probably wont be the case once I see her up close.
Im based in the UK and she is based in Pakistan.
We have now been married for a couple of months and there is no physical attraction there. I believe that I should have met her before to make absolutely sure because if there is no physical attraction then there is no point in continuing.
My wife has also picked up on this and she believes I do not like or want her. I do not want to lie to her and I want to do the right thing alhamdulillah. I’m stuck and unsure about what to do. Could you give me some help and advice please about what I should do next?
Jazakhallah Khayr for taking the time to read this, for your advice and for your lectures which have influenced me and so many others alhamdulillah. May Allah (swt) shower his blessings on you and your family and make us from the ummah of the prophet (pbuh) on the day of judgement, ameen.
Time: Sunday January 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm
(check fatwa site for how to divorce)
A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
*it is no wonder our traditional scholars have been against the blind usage of animate photographs and drawings — unless to be used under stringent conditions. Pictures do tell a truth, however, its truth depends on the hand of the camera person, makeup artist, etc. In future, pay the extra money and go visit the person you intend to marry, see them for what they really are. As the saying goes, (since you are from the UK) don’t be Penny wise pound foolish.
If you consummated the marriage, then in such a situation you are most unfair to all of a sudden leave her. However, this is a right you can by all means exercise. Women are not cars waiting in a parking lot awaiting a test drive. Had you consummated the marriage, then revaluate whether divorce is the route you wish to take, even though you have the right to do so.
Had you not consummated the marriage, then in such a case, I would recommend the following: If you feel that being married to her would not do justice to the institution of marriage –that you would be abusive as a result of this continual marriage, you would cheat, etc. then inform her that you were foolish and hasty in your decision to marry her. Suggest to her that it is best each of you part with peace.
I also suggest that while you are married, you treat her in the best possible manner. Had you not taken part in adult relations and you feel this relationship is doomed, then do not take part in adult relations, however, take care of all her other needs. Likewise, give her gifts to show that you do care for her as a human. Try this for a while, if your heart still does not incline towards her, then give her divorce and pay all that which is associated with it. Example, house and food expenses, etc. If she pardons you, that is surely from her kindness.
It is better to leave as generously and humanly as possible.
Next time, do not get married at the request of another. Get married with the suggestion and help of those that have your best interest in mind – be it parents, etc. Remember, seldom would you find a perfect person, but this does not mean you both need to live an unfruitful life.
May Allah (SWT) make easy for her.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
(Go to your local mufti for advice of type of divorce to give with the above answer in hand.)