and after 23 years, this is my thanks!

Q: asalmualaikum,

Imam saab i have a very very bad situation in my family at the moment. i just dont know what to do please answer this question on your site so because i need dire advice.  my daughter of deviant of Islam she has morals no values all she does is abuse me and my wife. she runs all over us she doesnt listen she does whatever she wants. she has no respect for us.  she doesnt pray salah etc and says she doesnt care about religion. Imam saab Allah knows how much i have tried with her, we taught her everything islamically she used to be so bright and so good but this society just kills them.  now she wants to marry some guy. He is from the middle east I met him and he knows nothing of Islam literally nothing not even how to do istanja! all he knows is his family was muslim and he says he is muslim thats it.  Imam saab I am tired of my daughter i can’t handle it anymore for 23 years i have tried to no avail. I am old and my wife is old. what should i do in this situation where do i go how
do i deal with this? she is going to marry this man what about her kids will not know anything about islam. she is going to marry him with or without my consent. will i be held accountable by Allah if i just let them do the nikah and get out of my life.  should i be strict and not speak to her so she learns the hard way in life? what should i do plsssssssssssssssssssssss advise.
Time: Sunday July 31, 2011 at 3:36 pm
A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Your email makes me sad. Your pain is such, i would not even wish it for my worst enemy. (Had i had such an enemy.)
I know you must have tried everything to make things better for your family. I am not going to advice you, for i am sure you have heard it all by now.
All i can do is recommend the following:

Make lots of dua, beg Allah (SWT) to replace your hearts love with the Love of Allah (SWT). Gradually, detach your (emotional) self from your daughter. Say to yourself: Prophet Nooh (AS) went through a similar situation with his child; i am a lover of all prophets, so oh Allah (SWT) give me strength in dealing with my grief, for i am too weak to be tested in such a manner.
When your child seeks your advice, give it to her, or else just treat like any other human. Shaytan wants you to spend more energy on her than that which is usual. This is not worth your time and effort, it is a distraction from your worship towards Allah (SWT.)

If and when she does indeed get married, treat your son-in-law with fairness whenever he comes to your home, pray your prayers in close proximity to him and be the best example for him, inshaAllah over time and your tears to Allah (SWT) things would come in your favor.

Continue to be patient and to cry to Allah (SWT) with a sense of love and affection. In the end, i think you and your wife would make it through this ordeal, Insha-allah, amen.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.

One response to “and after 23 years, this is my thanks!

  1. As-salaam-alaikum Brother, being a mother, I understand your pain. Kids these days do not appreciate their parents and are influenced by American society in which parents are discarded at old age to a senior home. Everything is about them but, they don’t realize it always comes back to bite you, don’t respect your parents, their kids will do the same to them seeing that grandparents are not valued. What goes around comes around. But, I would thank Allah (swt) at least the person she is marrying is Muslim so, the marriage is not ‘zinah’. As she matures, she will see the value of having parents in her life, religion, etc. when she has children, believe me, and at this time you can help direct the children on the path of Islam. Be patient, Allah (swt) will surely reward you for all of your hard work in trying to keep your daughter on the path of Islam, Insha-Allah. Meanwhile, if you have other children, focus on the other children and don’t blame yourself. It is painful to see your children going on a wrong path so… pray for the strength during this difficult time. Also, when introducing your son-in-law to others pick young couples that are good examples for them to associate with and maybe HE will choose to learn more about Islam and bring your daughter along.