it is not the end of the world my sister

Q: Asalam Alikum, I belong to a very nice muslim family MashAllah. however, a year ago i got involved in a serious relationship with a guy whom i loved so dearly and we were very much committed towards eachother. we were in a long distance relationship and first few months were beautiful. to make our relatopship strong we would often read about ways on internet. we started phone sex couple of months ago and thats when things started going wrong. we knew that we are involved in something very sinful but everytime we would make an effort to control we would always fail. as a result of phone sex negative things regarding me started coming in his mind and he got more doubtful of me. i would clear everyting but this would go on forever.
my problem is I love him alot. I can not imagine my life without him it is a nightmare for me to not think of him. he is the first man i ever loved. i am to this date very much sincere with him but he has now moved back. he says he cannot marry a girl like me who is so open minded.
also, i got my harmones messedup and for that reason i grew fat. he is not ready to accept me now. i am in very distress. i has rejected me and my condition is worse.
please tell me any dua to forget him, to gain peace of mind and to repent to Allah for what i have done knowingly. please tell me the correct way. you dont know the frustration in me. i cry whole night and day. i am in need of your help.
Time: Wednesday July 27, 2011 at 1:16 am

Answer: (by Br: Yassir Butt. Due to time constraints, we send questions to him for answering; we appreciate all that he does for the community.)

Your situation may be unique to you in your mind but it so common that you would not believe it and many people have been able to move on.

In surah hashar Allah SWT says

” كمثل الشيطان إذ قال للإنسان أكفر فلما كفر قال إني بريء منك إني أخاف الله رب العالمين .”

The example of Satan is that he seduces the human being to disbelieve and when the human being disbelieves he (Satan) says I fear hence I willl depart now and let you suffer the consequences on your own!!!

Satan uses this honey trap and when you fall for it he disowns the individual.

Phone Sex is Haram and speech that sexually arouses an individual and takes to fantasy land is also haram in islam.

You stated ” I cannot imagine my life without him”  that is a problem because you are leaving too much to imagination, start living in the real world and don’t imagine but deal with issues just like when you get a cut on your hand you don’t imagine that you will be placing a bandage on it, you just do it, now!

Read the following dua and refrain about thinking about this relationship and repent to Allah and channel this energy in loving your creator by providing food for the needy and the unfortunate and when you see their condition you will realize that you are leaving too much to imagination and it is not worth it it is all a matter of thought.

Here is a dua you should read in excess (underlined for ease and recognition.)

فقد أخرج الإمام مسلم في صحيحه أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ما من مسلم تصيبه مصيبة فيقول ما أمره الله: إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها إلا أجره الله في مصيبته وأخلف الله له خيرا منها.

In muslim it is narrated that the nabi kareem said (SAW)

“There is no muslim and he is afflicted with any problem and he says

إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها

But Allah will remove his affliction and change his state to what is better by providing a better alternative in his/her life (partner in your case).

Please have the above dua read by a Arabic reader so you know how to say it correctly and you will observe its benefits.

  • Remember who was there for you arranging for your birth in this word when nobody knew you? it was Allah!
  • Remember who provided milk for you without you asking when you were a baby? it was Allah!
  • Remember who was watching this phone sex when you thought it was a secret? it was Allah!
  • Remember who taught you to cry and who exposed the crooked nature of this guy to you? it is Allah
  • Don’t you think Allah deserves your attention and love?
  • And I have a favor to ask you when a person as afflicted as you our teachers tell us to ask people like yourself to make duas for us (Yes US)

Because Allah is closer to you due to your suffering, so please sister make dua for me, Allah knows best.

(Br Yassir Butt)

p.s. you may want to read this.

6 responses to “it is not the end of the world my sister

  1. Salamu alikum my sister,
    Just to be an example for Br. Yassir’s statement “Your situation may be unique to you in your mind but it so common that you would not believe it and many people have been able to move on”… My sister, shortly before I matured, I discovered this kind of suffering that girls go through, and until this day (after 10 years) every once in while we meet, or hear about, or see a sister who went though just like what you are going through. I can even feel your anger, suffering, sickness from not being able to sleep for days, not being able to eat or talk to anyone, no one really understand or feel you… As if the world cannot get any worse. you feel like your life isn’t worth it.. what a treason that only Allah knows the price of it.
    The bright side though, when you feel so lonely all of the sudden, so broken so weak… there’s is really no one that can listen to you like Allah subhanahu, even if you complain to Him about the same story again and again The Almighty listens to you, never feels bored of you. Due to suffering, Shayateen run away from you, and it becomes easier to start a new life. As if everyone is gone, but Allah never goes away. My sister, I complained to Allah so much, and He soothed me so much. I made sincere Tawaba that I will never ever get close to anything that will take me away from Allah, and never come close to the smallest deed that pertains to what I had fell for. Now, I am so happy Alhamdu lillah by Allah’s guidance and mercy that Dunya really doesn’t amaze me that much anymore.
    I am closer to Allah, and when you are close to the most High, The ultimate Protector, The Creator, the one who cared for me since I was born… How can anyone or anything in this Universe harm me when The Ultimate Protector is close to me?? Since then my sister, everything I asked Allah for, I got it in a short period of time. It makes me feel so ashamed that there’s nothing impossible to get if you ask it from Allah.
    My advice to you, go and find the best possible ways to become a friend of Allah, be as He wishes you to be. Believe me, you will say to yourself one day, where was I all this time When Allah is my Protector.

  2. As Salaamu Alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh my sister in Islam,
    I am pleased to tell you that you have some qualities which are pleasing my dear sister in Islam. You ask about duas for acceptance of your taqdeer and for sabr. These qualities are very loved by Allah swt and my dua for you is that you are granted these in abundance during this painful time. Ameen. You write that he lied to you and he humiliated you by dumping you. In other words, he didn’t care about you at all. When he insulted you, he was actually trying to get rid of you. He did not have the courage to tell you to get lost. He was a coward and he used you. You just didn’t see it that way. You say you were sincere, he was not. Tell me, what type of life would you have had with him? It could be that you would have written to this web site a few years down the line asking for help because this man never treated you and your children well. Basically, you would have been trapped in a bad marriage. Allah swt has spared you from a tormented life with this man. Imagine, even though you acted contrary to Allah swt’s commands, your Creator saved you from this man. Allow me to suggest that you turn to the One who loves you at all times with no demand that you return any of His favors other than that you worship Him by obeying His commandments.So how about doing some ‘spring cleaning’ and get rid of the cobwebs and unwelcome stress which is filling your life at the moment? He is probably happy wherever he is without a care or thought about your welfare. Throw this guy out of your life completely, say to yourself, ” I don’t need this/him in my life, I need to move on and be appreciated as a valued creation of Allah swt”. Come to think of it, don’t we all desire to have good positive thoughts which lead to our personal growth and improved relationships with others? The choice is yours. You can take this episode as a bitter lesson in life but one which you do not have to repeat. Let it also be a lesson to you in another way. That the next time you feel ready for marriage, you will go about it according to the precepts of our beloved Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and use the guidelines set down by him when choosing a partner. Accept that all good comes from Allah swt and the bad has come what you unfortunately fell for. He is gone and that’s it, you make a life for yourself with Allah swt’s blessings. Remember, Allah swt is for you what your expectations are of Him. If you believe that Allah swt will grant you a pious husband, then that is what Allah swt will grant you Insha’Allah. All of us have to remember that sometimes if we are not granted a marriage partner that is also from Allah swt. I will keep you in my duas my sister! May Allah protect us all from the whisperings of Shaytan(devil) and keep us in the right path. Ameen! I would like to suggest that you involve yourself in studying the Qur’an and that you empower yourself with Islamic knowledge which will help you and equip you to face life with a positive approach. Be steadfast on your 5 daily salat, make lots of Dhikr(Remembrance of Allah), istighfaar and dua for Allah swt’s blessings and mercy. Recite His ninety nine names abundantly, learn the meanings of these names and let them bring peace and tranquility into your life. May Allah swt guide and comfort you. Ameen.

  3. As-slaam-alaikum young girl. I wish that other girls would read this BEFORE getting involved with a young man out of wedlock. You see, love and lust gets us in trouble and thereby it is best to have a relationship only with marriage for the commitment is there before going too far and the love is blossomed. I wish I could speak to young girls who are just going through the hormones of change into womanhood and just a bit lonely to feel that a guy would make them whole. Most importantly, only Allah (swt) can give you peace of mind, heart and soul. Seek for his guidance, and your heart will be full. When your heart is full, the right person finds you to be most beautiful and will want to marry you and have you be with him for life. Sharing your heart with just anyone will only make it in pieces for too many to try to put it back together. That is the beauty of our marriages versus american lifestyle of love, sex and then marriage. The marriage doesn’t usually always come in their relationships because we need commitment and a different type of adoring love not lust. The pain of the heart will pass as time passes but, fufillment will only come when your heart is full with Allah (swt).

  4. All the parents are worried, everybody is worried. The youth is going astray but who is responsible for this?

    Parents are responsible for this astray and her situation because they don’t arrange the marriage of their children on time. When humans grow up , they have a need of companion, so they start finding on their own. Girls are innocent so they get trapped in such situations.

    I am sure when this youth will grow up, their kids will not have these type of problems and they will be the better parents because they have learnt their lessons.