Q: Asalam Alikum, I belong to a very nice muslim family MashAllah. however, a year ago i got involved in a serious relationship with a guy whom i loved so dearly and we were very much committed towards eachother. we were in a long distance relationship and first few months were beautiful. to make our relatopship strong we would often read about ways on internet. we started phone sex couple of months ago and thats when things started going wrong. we knew that we are involved in something very sinful but everytime we would make an effort to control we would always fail. as a result of phone sex negative things regarding me started coming in his mind and he got more doubtful of me. i would clear everyting but this would go on forever.
my problem is I love him alot. I can not imagine my life without him it is a nightmare for me to not think of him. he is the first man i ever loved. i am to this date very much sincere with him but he has now moved back. he says he cannot marry a girl like me who is so open minded.
also, i got my harmones messedup and for that reason i grew fat. he is not ready to accept me now. i am in very distress. i has rejected me and my condition is worse.
please tell me any dua to forget him, to gain peace of mind and to repent to Allah for what i have done knowingly. please tell me the correct way. you dont know the frustration in me. i cry whole night and day. i am in need of your help.
Time: Wednesday July 27, 2011 at 1:16 am
Answer: (by Br: Yassir Butt. Due to time constraints, we send questions to him for answering; we appreciate all that he does for the community.)
Your situation may be unique to you in your mind but it so common that you would not believe it and many people have been able to move on.
In surah hashar Allah SWT says
” كمثل الشيطان إذ قال للإنسان أكفر فلما كفر قال إني بريء منك إني أخاف الله رب العالمين .”
The example of Satan is that he seduces the human being to disbelieve and when the human being disbelieves he (Satan) says I fear hence I willl depart now and let you suffer the consequences on your own!!!
Satan uses this honey trap and when you fall for it he disowns the individual.
Phone Sex is Haram and speech that sexually arouses an individual and takes to fantasy land is also haram in islam.
You stated ” I cannot imagine my life without him” that is a problem because you are leaving too much to imagination, start living in the real world and don’t imagine but deal with issues just like when you get a cut on your hand you don’t imagine that you will be placing a bandage on it, you just do it, now!
Read the following dua and refrain about thinking about this relationship and repent to Allah and channel this energy in loving your creator by providing food for the needy and the unfortunate and when you see their condition you will realize that you are leaving too much to imagination and it is not worth it it is all a matter of thought.
Here is a dua you should read in excess (underlined for ease and recognition.)
فقد أخرج الإمام مسلم في صحيحه أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ما من مسلم تصيبه مصيبة فيقول ما أمره الله: إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها إلا أجره الله في مصيبته وأخلف الله له خيرا منها.
In muslim it is narrated that the nabi kareem said (SAW)
“There is no muslim and he is afflicted with any problem and he says
إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها
But Allah will remove his affliction and change his state to what is better by providing a better alternative in his/her life (partner in your case).
Please have the above dua read by a Arabic reader so you know how to say it correctly and you will observe its benefits.
- Remember who was there for you arranging for your birth in this word when nobody knew you? it was Allah!
- Remember who provided milk for you without you asking when you were a baby? it was Allah!
- Remember who was watching this phone sex when you thought it was a secret? it was Allah!
- Remember who taught you to cry and who exposed the crooked nature of this guy to you? it is Allah
- Don’t you think Allah deserves your attention and love?
- And I have a favor to ask you when a person as afflicted as you our teachers tell us to ask people like yourself to make duas for us (Yes US)
Because Allah is closer to you due to your suffering, so please sister make dua for me, Allah knows best.
(Br Yassir Butt)
p.s. you may want to read this.