Q: A friend of mine is now in her 20s. She has received proposals, but has never found the mean compatible. She found someone however, and the man sent a proposal to her parents. He is a practicing muslim, and has a very good job. Due to her knowing him without her parents’ knowledge, they have refused the proposal. Also, there have been people who do not know the man, but have been saying lies about him. The girl has prayed istikhara, the result was not negative.
The man has asked for her hand 4 times in all,and has even brought his family to her home to ask. However the parents remain stubborn, saying they just don’t want them to get married.
Now my friend’s mother is insisting she marries other people, and is repeatedly talking about it to her.
If they were to perform nikah without her father, would the marriage be ‘cursed’,as the parents did not give their blessings? What is the best action for these two. It seems unfair that there is no islamic reason to say no to their marriage.
Time: Sunday May 15, 2011 at 11:07 am
Answer: (Response by Br Yassir Butt. (May Allah (SWT) bless him and protect him and his family, Ameen.)
There are contradictions in your story for instance how can a practicing Muslim man having “found someone” and than after the relationship was about to be jeopardized he asked for your friends hand in marriage?
Your friend should heed the warning in this verse of the Quran
فليحذر الذين يخالفون عن أمره ان تصيبهم فتنة او يصيبهم عذاب اليم
And let those be warned who disobey the commandments of nabi that a tribulation or a severe punishment awaits them
My beloved daughter do not be fooled by the burning youthful emotions of “love” you feel now because you will burn in the fire of regret later. Any one who is good Muslim once he realizes that things are not happening is not because it is a lack of effort but fate decreed by the all mighty.
Submitting to your parents by finding someone you and your parents agree on will be the right course.
There is a story I recall from history
Once a man in Baghdad who was a butcher and practicing Muslim was returning back from work at night and he saw a man being murdered in the street he went to that mans aid and the killer had fled the scene. When the people came he was found holding the body of the dead person with the knife in his hand. People falsely accused this butcher of the crime and he was given capital punishment. When he was brought to the gallows he wept and he said I swear by Allah I did not kill this individual but killed someone else long time ago!
I used to love a girl and we were madly in love but fate had it that we could never get married. I moved on and one day as a boat man I saw the same old girl in my boat and she had a baby with her from her marriage. I fell in the trap of shaitan and tried to flirt with her but she told me she was married now and she needed to respect her vows. I became angry and I tried to rape her and she struggled so I got a hold of her baby and started drowning it and told her either you allow intercourse or I kill your child, she resisted and I ended up killing both of them while the mother was crying Allah forgive me for my past sins within man in the past.
After that I dumped their bodies in the river and became a butcher and I forgot about the past but today I am being executed by the justice of the one who does not forget any crime, Allah and he was executed.
Please learn a lesson from this story and share it.