forced marriage — is it a choice in islam?

Question: you may answer this question when you get the time.

I have a sister who is delayed in marriage and she is almost xx (age withheld from public) years old. The family are starting to worry for her and my (omitted) brother threatening her that he will force her to get married to whoever he knows in (abroad-country name withheld). Is this islamically correct for he believes its his responsibility to find her a husband. What could this sister do? She accepts her situation and accepts for whatever Allah destined for her, how could she talk to the family(especially the brother) in a respectful way not to interfere with her life. (personal email)

A: Point 1: Good woman, woman upholding a good set of values are finding it more and more difficult to get married — more so in a society that promotes high levels of cross gender and premarital interaction prior to marriage. In desperation, many women comply to situations that compromise their sacred values, only to tear much later. Desperation leads to much regret. If Allah (SWT) has given your sister a place to live and be content, she would eventually overcome her test.

Your brother may know well, sometimes a woman may not be married, however, as a result of her patience Allah (SWT) provides sustenance for the entire family due to her acceptance of fate. Children, elderly persons and single woman that cannot get married due to matters beyond their control bring hidden blessings to families. Your brother must be made to understand this simple system of Allah (SWT). Our men must stop acting as if they are total providers and caretakers of every human, to act as such is against the grain of Imaan. Men in particular that act this way must revisit aspects of their fate.

Point 2: If per chance, a good proposal does come from abroad, to refuse it merely because it is from abroad would also not be a good thing. This constitutes turning away a bounty from Allah (SWT). One must attempt to ensure that the family (and groom) from abroad are good in  moral standing, pious, etc. Once compatibility, etc. has also been established, the nikah should take place while fulfilling all legal requirements.

Point3: If she is not satisfied with a given proposal, her age (and situation/environment) allows for her to express her dissatisfaction in a polite and respectful manner to her guardians. She must do so with with proof and limitations upon the usage of mere emotions. This is her Islamic right. To not exercise it would also be a violation.

You are from a good family, may Allah (SWT) make matters easy for your family, amen,


Allah Certainly Knows Best.

One response to “forced marriage — is it a choice in islam?

  1. Also, if I’m not mistaken, there’s no ‘maximum age’ to get married in Islam, so no-one has a right to be hurried into a marriage.