your matter runs deeper

Q:  Hello I am a young unmarried muslim female,
There is a catholic male i am interested in, who (before meeting me) is interested in Islam and is in the process of converting. I have already read through your responses to the many similar questions people have asked, but some do not seem clear to me. My parents like any other muslim parent wishes to choose a groom for me, but i have seen and conversed with the person they have picked and i do not like who they are. They are not corrupt, but they just do not have the same values as i do. Soon i have to meet his family and make the final decision, but i know if i disagree to the marriage they may pressure me or threaten me. My parents have gotten physically abusive before.
My first question is, if they force the marriage on me and they do a nikka will that nikka be valid?

And suggesting the catholic soon to be muslim convert male to my parents is out of the question. They WILL say no and once again my life may be threatened. in this case, is marriage without the consent of my parents invalid?

if it is valid, but there are some consequences can you please clearly state them to me. Will allah consider us married? – that is my main concern.

My next question is, if the marriage is valid, is proxy marriage in this situation allowed and what would the requirements be.

if we had two male witnesses would they need to be with him or could one be with me. I know me being a female may not allow that.
I have also heard a muslim female may not get married without a wali. but in this case, i do not have a wali. At all.

My main concern is for our nikka to be valid in Allah’s view.
I respect my parents greatly, but in some ways under islam they are corrupt. I hope that if it is valid to get married to this convert man, that one day may my parents forgive me.

Thank you, i will respect your response even if it not what i want to hear.

I would just like to for once live among peaceful non corrupt muslims, and this decision will determine that.
Time: Friday April 1, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Answer: Overall, your concern remains very similar to the many others. It has been answered. i am glad to rephrase my response.
*Parents can recommend a groom for a person of marriageable age and ability.
*Although you present yourself as  a possible victim, let me ask you, how did you just meet up with this ‘catholic’ fellow and chose to be interested in him. I appreciate him wanting to convert,  it sounds like you are pursuing him yet attempting to secure yourself should something go wrong in the relationship. It sure seems as if you like challengers. This behavior to me appears unhealthy.

*Your life should not be threatened due to you not wanting to marry a given person. Should this be the case, Islam does not advocate violence to resolve matters as its primary preferred choice.
*Marriage without parental consent is abhorring. You are mature enough to say no. If you accept a Muslim male in the presence of Muslim witnesses, then naturally you would be viewed as married. This is a general rule that applies to all cultures/societies. Additionally, you are old enough and seemingly coherent enough to express yourself. If your parents chose not to listen, merely go with your parents and visit with a panel of scholars that can better explain the matter to them.

*Them more important question you should ask of yourself is as follows: what are the consequences if my (our) parents are not pleased with me (us), since Allah demands them to be pleased with me (us).
* From a religious point of view, parents cannot discriminate due to him being a convert.
I think your matter goes deeper. I think it is beyond catholic and muslim, parents verses daughter, etc. I am not comfortable with what i am seeing above as part of your query. I suggest you go for some real in person assistance.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.


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