My name is Ramatoulaye, at the moment, I’m 16 and
when I was 13, I met a boy, that I always had contact by phone as we werent in the same country. We always thought about marrying, and at frist, my parents accepted our relationship, they just told him that I was young in that moment. As the time pasts, we build a very strong relationship, with respect and confidence, and I’m sure that hi is the best person for me to marry, and he too. I love him, mostly because he loves me, and always wants me to be in the right way, just like a good muslim must be. We are always making new projects together, that I hope with the help of Allah (SWT) will become real. We are from the same country, same religions, same languague… and he is older than me..His family agree and support our relationship (who frist changed our contact numbers, was his brother) Proposals of marriage is something that both of us always have. But the problem is, last summer, I went to my country (guinea) and my cousin wants to marry with me, and now my parents also want
it, and now they even dont want me to talk with the boy that I love. Something that they dont understand, is that they cant choose for me the person that I love, the one that I will share my life, everything..
I’m not ready to do something that will let my family happy, and make myself the unhappiest person in the world. I want you to advise us about what can I do? If it’s permisible for me to marry with him, without my parents consent.
Hope that you will anser me as soon as you can, because the situation is becoming each time more stressful and harder
Djazha kallah Raizhan
Time: Friday May 13, 2011 at 3:13 am
A:وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
I appreciate your email.
- You both are very young.
- Your parents tempted both of you in pursuing matters in a wrongful manner. In this regard, they were irresponsible and contributed to a sin. For this they would be held accountable. This does not however allow for you both to do as you please. Parents seldom realize that they would face the outcome of children-sanctioned religiously- adverse behavior.
- Parents allow their daughters to talk to men in hopes that proposals would come by. Now that an alternate person has come by, they want you to function as a ‘tamed animal’ that is ready to redirect herself. In the context of this matter, this is wrong. Your parents should be sensitive and not toy with human emotions — yours and his.
- Parents make mistakes, this does not justify you to make an error.
- I would recommend time out from this man you are talking too.. You have had your emotions tangled with for a long time. You have moved from chatting to loving to now a new pickle. Thus, do not concern yourself about marriage unless you inclined towards haraam. Mature and become a woman by learning what it takes to be a woman in every sense of the word.
- Focus on attaining skills that make you successful in years to come.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.