even if my son is not perfect, you (my sister) better be perfect

Q: Alsalam a’lakum,
I have recently spoken to my father about marrying a girl who i think has helped me mature and enjoy life more over the last two years and given me a reason to leave my previous life of partying, drinking, drugs and pre-maritial relationship, in order to attempt to build a future and life for us to get married. I have since started praying and concentrating on successfully finishing my studies and working.
However, my father who has never met her nor knows anything about her, on me simply mentioning her nationality(French), refused, claiming she is badly brought up and has probably had a 100 “relations”.
When i further questioned him, asking for his reasoning and for my mother to meet her to more accurately judge, he refused to discuss it further with me.
Am i mistaken in thinking he is wrong in his prejudice? I do not want to marry her without his permission, however i believe he is being selfishly stubborn in order to avoid the embarrassment of his son marrying a non-national, as he has previously condemned it when my cousin did the same, despite them currently being happily married. He refuses to give me any reasoning apart from her nationality, continuing to claim she has no principles, morals or respect.
Time: Saturday March 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

  • There is nothing that is better than a good pious woman (paraphrased hadith)
  • Discrimination/prejudicial behaviors is not permitted in Islam. If she is Muslim coupled with the fact that you both had premarital relations, then in such a case, it is best for you to marry each another.
  • In addition, both of you should attend religious classes under the supervision of a highly experienced and qualified scholar. This should be part of the marital agreement to continually safeguard your faith.
  • The assumption that she had ‘100 relations’ is not fair, your father should first look at the actions of his son.
  • I do not know your ages, however, in your case, you both seem compatible.
  • Your cousin being happy should not be viewed as an excuse for you to do as you both desire.  This ‘cousin’  data is mere distraction. Stay focused on what you need to achieve.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

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