Q: As Salaamu Alaikum Sheikh, I was married and my wife cheated on me (I caught her with another man SUB’HANA ALLAH!, she had all my trust MashaAllah, but guess what? sadly, this is what I had to end up seeing).I tried to calm myself down before I whooped that individual (the man), and Alhamdulelloh I was able to control my anger and all I said to him was, leave my place asap!. the sister did not say a word to me because she got caught off guard and did not try to explain herself; and honestly, I couldn’t confront her because i thought i would have done something that would have harmed her due to my anger and jealousy; and she never spoke to me the entire week (we stayed in the same house and in the same bed, but didn’t talk after the incident). couple of days later, I had to talk to her about it but she did not tell me the truth and I kept encountering weird things about her; for instance, when I called her, she did not answer, not interested in adult relations, having thousands of
child with her makes me not move on with my life and remarry? Alhamdollellah that you are here Sheikh to solve issues the Muslims are facing. May the Almighty reward you; Amin.
Time: Monday March 21, 2011 at 9:21 pm
A:وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
- Letters like yours are generally seeking solace from the pain you have underwent through a rough patch in your life. In all fairness, people do not just cheat, there must be an opportunity or need for them to do so. Although i do not advocate cheating, for greater relational success, you must reflect as to where you went wrong. I hope your ex would do likewise.
- You seem to be suffering from letting go. This happens when we invest a lot of our emotional energies into a relationship — more so a failed relationship. The reality is this: the relationship is over and you must let go for greater contentment of the heart and mind. Somethings are not worth an extended cry. Likewise, it would be foolish to not learn from mistakes. Our duty in life is to marry the best person we can marry. If things do not work out, so long as we become better people, learn from our errors, we can say we did our duty.
- What type of man wishers to be with a woman that was caught in bed with a another man? Child or no child, you need to have some dignity for yourself. (I say this in light of current diseases, etc. )
- Learn to detach, cherish your relationship with your child and move on to a lifestyle choice that would better enhance your quality of existence.
- As for moving on, if you respect and assist your daughter in developing the proper religious ways, you have little to fear. When tthe time is right, marry a woman that shares your family values. I am glad you have a daughter and not a son, this would make bonding between mother and step daughter a little more easier. Do not let fear rule your life.
- Sometimes we have good thoughts, in reality, these thoughts seem good but are abhorring. They are embedded with fear and adverse provocations from shaytan only to cause fear and turbulence in our minds. In light of current relational maters as they linked to health, you have done the correct thing to not be with a cheater, this should prove healthy for you and your child — but from a possible health point of you as well as a spiritual point of view. Your need better, and you must become stronger to attain better.
- Sadly, i see weakness in you. A man must be a man once the dust settles. Your weakness is fine for now. You do need strength to move on.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
p.s. a friend doing ifta said to me the following:’ up to 95% of all querries i deal with husband/wife, inlaw and parent and child issues.’ Our site sadly seems no different!