Q: بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalaamu alaykum Imam,
may Allah grant you Jannat InshaAllah for helping your Muslim Ummat.
1.) I’m married, and my husband and I both have facebook accounts that we keep in touch with our distant family members; my husband is okay with me having an account only with family members that are females, and I agreed to his request (I dont have no males cousins,uncles…etc). and i requested the same thing for him and he somewhat agreed to me. he wanted to still keep intouch with his females family members as well as his coworkers(bussiness related) i was okay with it and still I’m.but recently, i have realized that he has so many female friends that don’t fit what we agreed upon,(non mahram,non hijaabis, etc.) and when I confronted him about it, all he said to me was, “go ahead and add whoever you want to as well”. Imam, i would like you to please touch on the women’s rights about this. it seems like, this man thinks he can tell me what to do but he doesn’t do what i tell him, just because of that mindset,”man rules”.
Time: Saturday February 19, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Answer: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Your scenario/question/concern in light of modern day gadgets — be it cell phones, lap tops, etc. is frequent and a seemingly everyday occurrence. Although we do not trivialize your query, your concern is linked to the values partners intend to share with one another as marital commitment and satisfaction is sort. In light of such a shared meaning we have responded.
- Your husband’s behavior is unfavorable. It is not allowed for a person to display the self to attract members of the opposite gender in the manner you have described — be it through Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, texting systems, etc. The Quran not only prohibits zina, it also prohibits us to seek out avenues that facilitate getting close to it. (Zina is haram, so are avenues that lead towards it.)
- For a husband to display strange woman on his page promotes the loathsome state of his opinion regarding woman and self. For us to accept your claim of his face-book page as it relates to the voluntary display of woman is crude and inappropriate.
- A man that takes pleasure in his wife talking to other men is viewed negatively in Islam. It is the height of disrespect for that which Allah (SWT) has given him as part of trust (amaanah.) The behavior of displaying ones wife or encouraging such display of the female self is rebuked of in the Hadith.
- In the context of such behavior and hadith, there is a phrase called ghayrah. In this context, ghayrah refers to a situation when a person becomes displeased when he sees that which he loves being preyed upon by strangers. Sadly, a man displaying his wife shows a lack of this type of emotion. He seems no different than a man wanting to sell his wife to a stranger for a quick fix/buck.
- ‘Man does not rule,’ our (men/woman) rules and knowledge are derived from sacred Works and all Sacred texts agree that communicating with members of the opposite gender while they remain strangers to us is not religiously sanctioned behavior. This applies to both genders.
- Only if mahrams can view the account, it would be allowed. As a general principal. All aspects of Islamic modesty must be maintained for its permissibility.
Mere relational advice:
Facebook being a modern day reality, a reality that many scholars do not seem to fully sanction. It causes havoc to the married and increases unwanted desires in the youth. However, if need for it exists, i recommend its usage that is coupled with an an open communication system. Both partners having equal access to each other’s accounts. This would be less threatening to the sanctity and security of the marital bond.
Many woman are in a double bind. If they do not show that they are ‘jealous’ about their husband, then they are viewed as non-caring. When woman get jealous, men take it as controlling. Thus in your families best interest, you would need to revisit and renegotiate this ‘face-book’ agreement.
Inform him in a calm and gentle manner that he is special to you. (If he was not, you would not have contacted us or broached the subject to him.) Explain to him the value of commitment, love and fidelity. Convince him that doing what he does reflects poorly on both of you as well as upon the institution of family, not to mention your respective families. Also convince him realize that although his intentions may be innocent, the intention upon him from the side of others may not be the same.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.