Muslims have also graduated to the general population, so why (must western nations) be paranoid about Muslims!

Q: Assalamu alikum sheikh,
I’m turning (age not disclosed by our site, however over 18)  in a few days and I have been masturbating for more than 10 years. I was sexually harassed by a male cousin when I was 9 or 8. The harassment was done by the same person couple times, as a child, I was threatened to say a word about it. Then the news came out, and my mother found out, and she was in a shock that she stopped letting me be around my cousin, but she never told my dad until this day, I asked her if it was okay to cry while praying, and she said cry to Allah so he forgives you insha’Allah. So I went to my aunt and told her about her son, she got concerned and believed me, and she told him to stop, she couldn’t do much because a chaos would have started. When I was 9 to 10, I started masturbating, my parents found out, they threatened me, but didn’t do anything, I didn’t stop because it became like part of satisfying a need inside of me. As I grew older, I started doing the horribly shameful act with my cousins that are girls, then we started blaming each other, so i felt really bad and decided to quit, but I was never able to quit, it always comes back to me, and I feel so weakened to obey its demands. There were times that I felt so guilty to the point were I felt like chocking myself after doing it, but I never knew it was Haram. then I did other things, like relationships with guys through internet chats. The point of the data I presented is that sexual acts have been haunting me in my dreams, my prayers, my school lectures, it is torturing me imam until this day, and I never knew how to fight it back. I stopped watching anything that’s has the least bit of sexual attraction, I stopped being around guys or talk to them unless it’s an extreme necessary so I don’t fall for anything horrible. I figured masturbating is Haram, but What can I do to repent? because I feel like I lived half of my life in a major disgusting sin not realizing it?…Reading your post (https://islaminaction.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/not-just-a-western-country-issue-anymore )made me recall everything.
Is there a hope for me?. Please reply as soon as you can!
Jazakum Allah khair

Answers: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

  • Although I am not seeking any added details, the word ‘harassed’ as used by you seems to imply other unwanted connotations. If a crime had been perpetrated upon you, according to USA law you may still have recourse.
  • I cannot respond to every part of your email. Suffice to say, you need therapy from qualified people that understand you, your culture and your religion. This would possibly ensure greatest assistance to your well-being.Your mother took part in a partial violation of parental rights. This matter should have been discussed in a rational an fair manner with your father or a people that could have best represented you.
  • I do not understand why you must cry to Allah (SWT) for an action you did not perpetrate. The tears that you need to share remain due to self gratification methods you are currently utilizing or have used in recent times. This is a separate matter to the one of being ‘harassed.’
  • I admire the aunt for stopping her son from being around you. Not knowing his age, we cannot comment any further. Kindly see first paragraph above.
  • As for the other details, you are not alone. Many more than you are involved in the lewd actions of ‘self-gratification.’ At least you remain willing to change. This is a good thing. Not changing would affect the development of your future as it relates to ‘adult’ related behavior(s). It is best for you to clean up your act prior to greater levels of chaos in your life.

Your hope remains in part by reading the following facts: https://islaminaction.wordpress.com/2009/06/13/differance-between-tawba-and-istigfaar

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

P.s. In all honesty, your email is not the first. I generally think people talk about the above to better get it out of their ‘system.’ We request others that have similar comments/queries to not always expect us to place such issues online. In complying with USA laws, such cases must be handled as the law demands so as to eliminate accusation of promoting lewd behavior. Kindly seek the help from appropriate sources without making matters worse for you and your family.

4 responses to “Muslims have also graduated to the general population, so why (must western nations) be paranoid about Muslims!

  1. your sister in islam

    May peace be upon you sister….I know of someone who went thru similiar trial but with help of Allah and the community she was able to over come. Please have patient and continue to pray to Allah, for Allah hears and sees. Don’t give up hope…kindly listen to this video titled “He who has No one has Allah!”

  2. worried mother

    As-salaam-alaikum. Imam, thanks for telling this man that he nees to go for counelling and to follow the laws in the USA and report such haram action that was done to him. I would also like to request not to have these type of personal confessions open online to come to all of us. I am an adult, but my young kids receive this email website and I would not prefer they are exposed to this otherwise, you need to indicate that you must be 18 years of age and disclose that material on this website may be of disturbing or personal nature so, one can choose not be a member and receive these explecit questions/statements. You are an Imam, a scholar and it is good that you have indicated not an expert with regards to psychological or legal matters. I know people feel eased to speak to you anonymously but, please do not put these on the website, I plead with you. It will cause younger Muslims, and us parents, to refrain from our children being on this website.
    As for this man, I am very sorry for his situation. As a mother, I would have immediately told his father and thereby the aunt, cousin, etc. Keeping it secretive, allows the perpetrator to continue harming others. We must do something to prevent evil in this world as Muslims, and if that means turning in family, so be it. Family is not above Allah (swt) but, family should have helped their son. If you live in Utah, look up the recent story in the news about the 5 Browns who are gifted pianists in Utah and 3 of the daughters were molested by their father at younger ages and they just turned him in when they found out that he was going to teach other young girls again. It took courage, but they did the right thing. He pleaded guilty and will go to jail. It took courage for you to write to this website. Tell your father, yourself and stop blaming yourself. You are a victim.
    May Allah (swt) provide you guidance, peace, and help you get some help. Ameen.

    • *you say not to post such matters, in the next breath you tell us to view the matter of the ‘5 browns.’
      *when we answer, we create issues, when we do not answer, outsiders feel we hiding.
      *delicate situation

  3. Let's be more empathetic

    Assalamu Alaikum,
    Worried Mother, I am very disappointed by your comment. You sounded very insensitive towards the questioner when you said that his confession was inappropriate. I did not see anything explicit in the question nor in the response. You have to realize the complexity of this issue. Although I agree that the mother could have dealt with this issue in a more fitting matter, I would also refrain from stating: “In that same situation, I would have easily done the right thing.” It is because matters like these are very complex. A parent in that condition might have worried about the matter being further publicized in the Muslim Community. The parent would worry probably because of the victim, then, being given unwanted, inappropriate attention and maybe even looked down upon. Therefore when you said: “If I were in that position, I would…” I don’t think you truly put yourself in that position. Otherwise you would not have so easily dismissed this complex issue as simple.
    Plus, child molestation happens to children, so it is those very children that need to be educated about it. How will making these topics pg-18 help those affected children in finally seeking help. If we tell them that what they are going through is ‘inappropriate’ to even be discussed then aren’t we implying that they should feel guilty, and even more disgusted with themselves. That they should try to forget, and repress their feelings. We should not shy away from making these topics public (of course within the context of Islam).
    As for the questioner, I applaud them for taking this difficult step and seeking help. Inshallah, may Allah (swt) increase them in their strength, make it easy for them to succeed, and elevate their position with Allah for being patient in this test, amen.