if what you say is true, then go for it

Q:as-salualaikum,
i am a 26 year old girl,working in a mnc,i want to marry a boy who is also muslim.i told my parents about this.but they are not even ready to ask about him,dont want to meet him.
reason is he is not of our caste,i dont know what caste they are talking about as there is no caste system in islam and the other reason is –girls should not marry with her own  choice.
We both are educated ,both are sunni and are not involved in any haram thing alhumdulillah.
I dont know what should i do now,i cant marry some one esle also.
i know my father will not attend our nikah also as they had stopped talking to me.he wont give permission over phone also.
please tell me what can be a solution for this situation.

Time: Thursday January 27, 2011 at 6:25 am

Answers: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

  • You are at a critical marital age
  • Parents being unfair does not help your situation
  • If you cannot marry anyone else and your parents do not have a proposal for you, then merely go to your local scholar with a marital certificate and get get your nikah done. Your age allows for such a proceeding in our current enviroment, more-so, under your seeming conditions
  • i still feel that the matter needs to be discussed with your father, or uncles and have them attend the event
  • (It does not look good with in-laws/society, etc. that a woman would begin her marital life in such  manner)
  • Should your parents not bless this nikah, under your stated conditions your nikah would still remain valid. You would need to make istigfar, for such a nikah is not in the best interest of attaining ‘perfection of faith’

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

Read this and read this link as well. For the record, these links you just hit on are our highest hit links. hmmmm

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One response to “if what you say is true, then go for it

  1. worried mother

    As-salaam-alaikum. I am so very happy to read Imam’s response to your dilemma. He has a great deal of wisdom and kindness towards our Muslim families. As a mother, I would indicate to try to get your mother to soften and maybe work with your father. It is sad that we adults are stuck with a different idea for marriage but, they only want the best for you and they want you to have a good and comfortable life. We need to get away from stereotypes of caste, country of origin, profession, etc. For in the eyes of Allah (swt) we are all equal and the boy’s character is most important. However, I do not suggest you marry in haste, even at 26 years of age, allow a bit of time, they will see you are unhappy, attempt to appeal to them by some of your other relatives, uncles, aunts that they respect. Then, take them to your local Imam/scholar and address it with him and see if they understand the injustice they are doing by what he says. If someone in the community can vouch for the boy’s Islamic character then they cannot deny you, I don’t think. Imam is right, starting a marriage without the blessings of your parents is not good, work hard on it until you have nowhere to turn. If you haven’t let enough time pass for them to absorb your request then, allow them this and be patient. After all they are your parents and cared for you for 26 years. Give them respect, pray to Allah (swt) and it will be made easy. As for girls not choosing their own mates, well, the girl is supposed to have a choice and they will not be choosing anyone you will say yes to. So, you will remain unmarried. Also, I believe, Bibi Khadeeja (RA) asked our Prophet (saw) to marry her so, this was her choosing.
    Jazakullah-khair