Q: Assalamu Alaikum ya imam,
I hope this email reaches you in good health and iman, ameen! Imam I have an akward question for you. I am not really sure how to ask you but since I don’t know who to ask and feel uncomfotable asking, here it is.
Imam, I have been married for a while now (2 years) and my husband and I have not comsummated our marriage. I think there is something wrong with my husband but am not sure what it is. I think my husband has some health issues. How do I talk to my husband without offending him. I think he knows there is something wrong with him but seems to ignore the issue. Imam, I am getting less younger, and am almost hitting the age of 4o. I have a great education, great job and would like to have children. It is a very sensitive issue for both of us, as when people ask us why we don’t have children, he feels uncomfortable. Jazakumullah khair!
Time: Sunday December 5, 2010 at 10:23 pm
A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
May Allah (SWT) bless you for your patience. A man should not knowingly get married in the state of being impotent. Intentionally doing so is a sin. This causes a violation of rights; it is also a form of causing unwanted oppression (Zulm) upon a spouse.
Under normal and general circumstances, getting married in such a state calls for an immediate termination of marriage or for a set of agreed treatment. Failure of attaining a remedy within a year gives the wife the right to an abrogation/annulment of nikah.
A period of two years does show your kindness and sensitivity, however due to your acceptance of his possible impotency, you have in the process limited your rights by accepting his ‘defect’ and have by default prolonged your agony.
In fairness, it is now time for him to reciprocate feelings towards your emotions. Although it may be a sensitive issue, it is time that you both resolved the matter as it relates to both your futures. Have a time you both set aside to discuses this matter with all your options placed before each another. If you want to stay in such a marriage, the right is yours; likewise, if departure is your direction, religion has allowed for such an occurrence with procedures to be carried out in place.
As noted above, in your case, you should have voiced your concern from the onset so as to attain your maximized rights as it relates to this matter. If it is indeed proven that your husband is impotent, the following could apply:
- Ask for a talaq
- or take part in khula
- or Go to a fatwa board and ask for an abrogation of the nikah
May your matters be of ease, Ameen.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.