respect yourself to gain respect from future husband

Q: i am a muslim and i am in a relationship with a muslim guy since eight months. by mistake form four months we have sort of physical relationship but not yet have intercourse with him. 20 days before we were very close to it then i stopped him immediately thinking of the islam. now i am regretting it much and dont want to do any haraam further.i am just 17 and he is also studying. we cant tell our parents now about our relationship but to avoid falling in zina we both want to do nikaah as in islam it is also a sin to talk to a stranger.i want to ask you can we do nikaah without telling my parents and relatives. will be it right in islam.every time when i met him i had always a fear of allah but still i commit sort of big mistakes.please help me know the right path directed by allah and let me know can i do nikaah with the same person 4 years later for pleasing our parents. it will be very kind of you if you reply me soon and right and in favour of islam.

Time: Sunday December 19, 2010 at 10:56 am
A: Your age requires you to discuss such matters with your parents.

Your regret of doing poor choices  is good. Ask Allah for forgiveness. You have a great future, do not waste your time and energy on boys/girls. Stay focused on making yourself a better person. Learn the things that make a woman successful in matters that pertain to woman and society. This is critical for you to do — mainly if you want to be successful in both — religion and worldly matters.

At 17, the boy/girl may seem perfect to you, as you mature, you would realize that this may prove as a false notion. Life is too precious and too serious for it to be used as a relational experiment. Respect yourself and make good choices. Men/woman respect those that give respect to themselves. This requires you to value yourself and treat yourself with respect as it relates to your marital choices as and overall future. (In all fairness, why must ‘your’ man or society respect you when you do not respect yourself/religion?)

See this previous post as well as this post that may be of interest to you on this matter. May Allah (SWT) assist you in doing the right thing, ameen.


One response to “respect yourself to gain respect from future husband

  1. worried mother

    As-salaam-alaikum. At the age of 17 your hormones are all over the place. You like getting attention and it seems that you have gone too far with having physical relations. It is normal for you to be wanting to be loved by someone, it is all around you in this American society but, do not mess up your future, education, family relations and children when you are not ready for all of this. Your parents will want the best for you but, most importantly people change and grow up, what you love now you may not love when you have completed school or such and so, it is best to discuss a plan with your parents before seeing him again. If the boy is young, like yourself, he too will need to finish his education to help support you. It is good that you realized before having a bigger mess and loosing more respect for yourself and maybe becoming pregnant. I grew up in America and I know Valentines Day and friends dating does make you lonely. You must surround yourself with friends that are like you and follow Islam but balance American life better so, that these times will be easier. Meanwhile, suggest to your parents, or have a respected family member that you are close to approach your parents, that you like a boy and would like to introduce him to them. If they are willing, then if they approve, tell your mother first that you are in love and would like to have nikah BUT, if you are having nikah to having further marital relations, think very hard of your choice based on what you have planned for your future. Young marriages have a lot of stress, financial, babies too soon and such that sometimes makes it difficult to be successful. As Imam indicates, you can ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt) for He (swt) is all Merciful, do ‘tobah” and stay away from being alone with him and focus on your education and your family. If you are truly meant to be together, he will be there a couple of years from now, meanwhile, your family will get to know him and his family better with them around. If you realize you have done something wrong, excercise self control now.
    Jazakullah Khair