this is getting (too) common

Q: asalam-o-alaikum
I am a muslim girl
my mamu lives in america
his daughter wanted to marry a non-muslim boy as she was not ready to marry anyone else but him so they gave in to her demands and married her to him
now she is married to tht boy and she still comes visit her parents and  they r
acting normal to her
my question to u is tht what should be our reaction to her?
as she is our close relative so should we remain in contact with her or  leave her?
wht should be our reaction to her non-muslim husband?
as we clearly know tht according to islam her nikkah to him is not  valid and what is her status in the light of islam?
I hope to hear ur reply soon
Allah hafiz
Time: Wednesday January 5, 2011 at 1:57 am

A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

  • Parents accepting their children being in a state of zina are just as sinful as the perpetrators of such actions.
  • Your interaction with an open transgressor should always be limited. Supporting evil only gives encouragement to it. A polite ‘salam’ should be sufficient for deviants. Being too casual with her would possibly give her the idea that her poor behavior is accepted and part of Islam. This would most incorrect.
  • Limit inviting her over to all public events, for it would send the wrong message to the younger members of the family. She must be told to come alone into the home if necessary, more so when the disbelieving male (husband) refuses to convert. This would be better for the youth of the family.
  • She is old enough. You should not feel guilty if she chooses a pathway from Islam. Allah Guides whom He chooses.
  • She is still viewed as a Muslim. Rejection of the laws of Nikah as articulated in the Quran (and hadith) can turn her into a disbeliever. (We do suggest you not provoke her to making comments that favor disbelief.)
  • Male relatives can say hello to him from time to time, invite him to the religion and convey to him that which is correct in nature.

Kindly read this, resend your query if necessary.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.


2 responses to “this is getting (too) common

  1. worried mother

    As-salaam-alaikum. As a mother from a large family, I have had to do what the Imam has indicated for a member of my family who has married without nikaah. It has been the same situation, parents have accepted their son marrying a Hindu and had no nikah and they now have children. I did not attend the wedding, I did not provide a congratulation card or gift (that would make me a hypocrite), I did not congratulate on their births, I do not invite them to my home, I do not converse with them only basic salaam salutations. It has been hard, I helped raise my nephew when he was young, and my children want to be more associated with him but, my children know what is right and what is wrong in Islam and the consequences of choosing to do ‘zinah’ by marrying without nikah. Parents must do the right thing and set an example. It has caused friction between the parents and myself but, I must stand up for what is right in Islam and it is my jihad to prove to Allah (swt) that he is all knowing and I must follow His (swt) decree. I cannot acknowledge his family as my own for then my own children would not find a difference and may choose the same thinking there is nothing wrong with it. Their marriage had all the cultural trimmings and I was the only one who did not attend even though the parents and I are very close. When I visit his parents, I do not tell them what to do in their homes for they feel there is a chance to bring the girl to Islam or at least save the children but, I do not attend any of the nephew’s invitations formal or casual. Marriage has always been declared by Allah (swt) and thereby the sanctity of Nikah must be upheld. It is a true test of your faith to stand up for Islam with a blood relative. Did not Prophet Musa (Moses), peace be upon him, deny his son access to the ark? When he pleaded with Allah (swt) to save his son, the response was that only believers are relations (in a nutshell) and he was a non-believer. It requires great personal sacrifice to stand up for what is right in Islam. May Allah (swt) give you strength to do what is right and patience to help others understand your actions. Ameen.

  2. worried mother

    I am so sorry, correction, I meant Prophet Nuh (Noah) peace be upon him. I realised soon after I sent the comment and reread it.