Forget the pain, ask why am i going through hardship my sister?

Q: AS Salaamu Alaikum Imam,
Urgency: what dua i could say or send to someone who is going through hardships? please respond to me asap InshaAllah because my husband’s family are going though hardships. Jazaak Allahu khair respected Imam.

Time: Sunday December 12, 2010 at 11:39 pm

A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

This response is based on the principles of life. Read between the lines of what our teachers have shared with us as it relates to pain/anxiety:

Imaams Muslim and Bukari make mention of a hadith that states:

الصبر عند الصدمة الأولى

Surly, (true) patience (is that type of patience which is achieved) at the onset of a difficulty (or catastrophe)

The scholars have said that when a person dies, departs from a  loved one, undergoes sickness, fear,  pain of various types, yet this person continues to behave as the Creator wishers for them to act, then in such a case, this individual is attaining a higher position and supreme closeness to Allah (SWT.)

The ways of the prophets (peace be upon them all) makes a demand upon us that we should endure pain which comes our way. This does not mean we would never undergo grief. Everything has a balance in life.  When a person cannot deal with that which comes their way, over reacts to a given situation, exceeds the limits as it relates to a given situation; then in reality, this test from Allah has converted itself into an A’zaab (punishment) from Allah. Merely ask your yourself, are we (our family) undergoing a punishment or a spiritual cleansing? (If so, rights did we trample upon?)

No pain comes to us over night, for Allah would not place upon His servant what they cannot bear (ayah.) Likewise, we cannot expect a solution overnight, to expect as such would be most unfair. Allah does not just test people for fun and game. We are tested so we can become better people on every level. We are tested so we can make Roojoo’ — turn towards Allah in greater compliance and acceptance of His wishers. This is something we forget. We have become accustomed to quick-fixers, thus we forget this simple rule.

Why we suffer as a people: The scholars have generally advised us to do the following for ease and comfort in our lives, these things would also remove depression/oppression/servitude/enslavement: Make sure all salah are read on time, the poor are taken care of if one has excess wealth, pay the ones we owe money to, (for to ask Allah for ease when we have not paid those we owe money to is most unfair — for the curse of the oppressed would hurt us,) ask forgiveness to those we have hurt, read lots of Quran, go towards the sunnah for greater ease, send lots of salutations to the Prophets (SAW), never look down upon the weak, sick, etc.

Remedy: After reading durood about 100 times per day, as well as after reading  quran regularly at a specific time of your choosing, (for Allah likes consistency in deeds – hadith) read the following repeatedly: لَّآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّآ أَنتَ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ إِنِّى ڪُنتُ مِنَ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ This dua makes one accept their wrongs, also it testifies to the Greatness of Allah and acknowledges His Kindness upon us despite our wrongs towards Him.

Sister, you are seeking assistance for your husbands family, although i appreciate this kind gesture from you, they must be wiling to ask for that which can benefit them in both the worlds. I know their pain c/would be your pain, however, you must be willing to also let Allah (SWT) take His cause. May Allah the Kind make matters easy for each of you, Ameen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

p.s. I am not trivializing your pain my sister, but i want you to really think of what i am to tell you: when we under go pain, we say the matter needs an urgent resolution, yet when we are happy, do we urgently read two Rakat salah of shukar (thankfulness?) Is not the Allah of pain the same as the Allah of happiness?

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