abuse is not limited as to where it comes from

Q: I was married in the Mosque in July 2008 to a man by the name of Dr XXXXX. This was an awful marriage full of verbal abuse, lies and distrust on the part of Arif. I was granted a civil divorce on March 2010 after a costly battle with him. I am a single mother and have serious health conditions. Mr XXXXXXX has caused me so much greif and harassed me to the point of despair and i wish to have the marriage disolved from him and also the Muslim religion. He refuses to help me in this matter and i believe it’s in large part due to the dowery he committed to and now refuses to pay. Please help me in this matter as i will obtain legal council, since i have made phone calls to the Mosque in the past and recieved absoutly no help. I have the utmost respect for your Mosque and your religious belief’s but after what Dr XXXXXXX has done to myself and my young  daughter i wish to distance myself from any futher involvement.

Time: Sunday September 19, 2010 at 1:02 am

A: We feel your pain and sadness. As a member of the human population, we stand ashamed that one human could perpetrate such pain an anguish to another human being. No person needs to undergo such horror and grief.

I am unaware of the the Dr. XXXXXX. However,  the following remains:

  • Abuse, lies and distrust is not permitted under the general rules of any good religion, including that of Islam.
  • I cannot help you believe that due to one rotten apple in a basket, all apples should be treated likewise. Neither should a person diminish their spirituality as a result of someone else.  However, in a secular state, you can chose religion freely. I personally think that you realize that all Muslims are not the same and the religion of Islam itself should not be blamed for the evil perpetrated by certain segments of our faith-members.
  • Under general circumstances, dowry promised should be given as promised. (We are unaware if more exists to this story. At face value, we would take your word for it.)
  • It is always best for you to attain legal counsel as you have made mention of, for we would dislike being implicated wrongly or you getting an unfair outcome to matters of concern to you.
  • I respect your right to make every decision that would protect you and your child. Children are important and they need a positive environment. To blame an institution that does not control its members nor their personal lives is however unfortunate. When you married Dr. XXXXX i do not think that our Society was asked about your former partner, nor do I possibly think the institution in question placed Dr. xxxxx on a pedestal at any point, yet when things go towards negativity, an entire religion is blamed. Yes, we agree what you are undergoing is not pleasant, but we must be fair in our praise and blame.

Sincerely wishing you and your family the best, for no entity (including human) needs to be abused in any form, or deserves to be treated unfairly.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

P.s Sad reality to parents. Marry your daughters to good pious people. Good people are not difined as mere doctors, engineers, school teachers, or persons claiming to be in my field including myself. Piety is defined as those that wish to do good in all conditions. So give your daughters to not a particular occupation, but rather a good hearted believer.


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