how much more do i give?

Q:(first part of comment/question has been omitted)

i loaned my husband money many times. i was embaresed to say no because we were high school friends that got married. my father did so to because he saw i loved him. it is setting a bad example for my kids. the kids are manipulated and he tells them how selfish i am when i refuse to give 20 000 to 30 000 at a time. hhis has being going on for11 yres str8. lately he uped it to takig 40 000 at a time. his business does good money and the accountants agree. he wants more. he wants it for bussiness only so he says. to me he just buys suits, sports car evey yr, goes on vacation with his parents. he just likes free money he is getting to be a free loader and my children are learning this. my question is this. do owman have a right to say no? what are my options as a woman that is muslimah and wealthy that is married to a poor low life man that jsut wants wants and wants. as for zakat. your friday speech was not clear who what pays on loan money. can you clarify? (email)
A: Wishing you and your family the same, Ameen, Your initial words have been eliminated do to it lacking relevance to the audience. Kindness is always appreciated.

Any thing built on haram would always come and haunt you if you do not change its foundation. It was ‘sweet’ to fall in love. The sweetness is over and the sourness has to be tasted. Make istigfar for your past, and mend your ways. It is never too late. You can stop your kids from following the worst of the both of you.

If he wants money for business purposes only, your best options would be as follows:

  • You can say no, that is your religious right.
  • You can loan and continue to fester an poor habit. For this you would be held accountable by Allah. You cannot give something knowing that it would be abused.
  • You can become a partner in his business deals. Hold him accountable and reap the profits as well as losses. This would be best for both of you, this way you know what he is doing, the ‘free ride’ could also be well curbed.
  • You can gift him the amount, more so, if you know you are to never get the money back. This would eliminate ownership of the wealth and the zakat associated by such wealth.
  • If the zakat was to be paid by you at the time of giving the loan, then you would be liable to pay it. If you agreed that the money was to be used by him, yet the zakat would be his responsibility, then in such a case he would be in sin should he not pay the zakat (and he would be in sin should he fail to pay you back .)
  • You can give x amount to your mature kids and make your children the owner a particular amount of wealth. You can request (not demand) that the kids give the money to him on a gift, partnership or loan bases. This way they can see who the father really is based on his values of accountability. This way, they would not call you selfish. WHen children must give from their own side, they wiseen up rather fast. This would lessen the impact of the children calling you selfish and help them hold their father accountable for wealth given fromt heir side to him.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

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