first the look, then the wink, then the touch, the you know the rest – abstain

Q: Salam.

May Allah bless and protect you.

I would like to know, whether to say such kind of words as dear, sunny, sweetheart before marriage is considered as haram?

Thank you for you answer in advance.

Time: Monday June 21, 2010 at 6:31 am

A: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

May Allah bless and protect all people, Ameen.

The words described above are words of affection. Affection was practiced by Rasulallah (SAW). We too must practice it. Affection has a dimension of modesty. As people of faith, we are called upon to be loving and caring to all. Care-giving and affection has degrees attributed to it, it would differ between mother and father, brother and sister, aunt and cousin in words used, tone usage, etc. Each has different boundaries and sanctioned limitations. Likewise, the affection that is shown to a husband/wife differs prior and post marriage.
As for the component of ‘sweet talks’ prior to marriage, Islam demands that a woman not lure a man with her voice, walk, fragrance, look coupled with a wink, or even talk beyond the necessary with intended the spouse. She can communicate with her intended spouse in the presence of a chaperon, etc. This for the integrity and benefit of men and woman.
Thus, to say the above mentioned words to an intended spouse can lead to you being viewed as lose tonged person — more so if one was from a traditional environment. Should the marriage not work out, you could be viewed as a ‘fast woman,’ thus limiting more proposals.
Likewise, we should use our tongue in a manner that would most represent our values. It would be forbidden to show affection in a manner that religion prohibits. There is a time for everything.

Keep special moments special. I am sure s/he knows you are a wonderful person. That is why s/he was to marry you. If s/he expects you to talk in alluring terms, have the following message passed over to him through appropriate sources: i too would love to talk that way, however, can we not just wait so as to keep it all special.


Do the right thing and gain the beauty of your sacrifice after marriage (nikah.)


Allah Certainly Knows Best.
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