Q: Assalaam Walikum,
I have an issue, I would like you to email me privately on this one. But, if you think it is a good one to share, its okay you can post.
I have committed zina, before marriage. I am feeling regretful that I had. On top of this, their is a muslim girl who is hijabi and I am drawn to her. I do not want to get together with her, because of my past behavior. I see her as a good muslim, because she choose to wear hijab (before she did not) and I cannot live with myself if I hurt her in this way. At first I was intimidated by her, because she is a good muslim (like, i don’t match to her level), but their is something drawing me to her.
I hope you understand what I am saying. Please give me your thoughts, or suggestions, as you did for others in this similar matter.
Time: Saturday May 29, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Answers: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
We thank you for your question. In the essence of time and volume of queries, i am to keep it brief.
Make istigfar. Be cognizant of what you seeking a change from. If you are addicted to committing Zina, then do not marry this girl. Wait till you have matured enough to let go of filthy traits. You must change yourself before marriage. No sense you messing up your life and her life.
If you cannot put yourself right before marriage and marriage is what you seeking, then in such a situation, marry one that is of your ‘type.’
Being drawn to a good woman can be from Allah (SWT) and that He wants good for you. To exploit her modesty would be from shaytan. Many men want good girls after they (men) have had a rotten past. This is not fair to woman. (the other way around is just as true.) Ask yourself why you are really seeking her. If you are truly changing yourself, Allah would guide you. From your tone i gather that since her life has seemingly changed for the better, I am sure she is aware of what goes on in society.
You need not share your past with anyone. This is between you and your Creator. Bury your past. Sink your past in the depths of an ocean. No sense two people remembering the greater wrongs of one of you.
Shame of your past is well documented by our Creator. Its time for you to move one. Do not despair in the Mercy of Allah. At the same time, do not exploit His kindness.
See posts of istigfar, zina, compatibility
Allah Certainly Knows Best.