Assallamu alakuim wa rahmattuAllahe wa baraktu,
(Paragraph has been deleted for it contained personal data.)
I got a quick question, sorry haha i am adding more questions to your list, but i am not in hurry to get the response. Based on your educational background (and qualifications), and still being student, I want to know how did you manage school with family and work? Alhamdulelah i have a nice family but the issue is that they are traditional, so girl has to cook and clean up to be considered a girl. I do believe strong in having girl know how to cook and clean up but when having other responsibilities, what should she be doing? I just dont know how to prioritize things wallahi. My question is; How could student do well academically and also other stuff? (personal email)
Answers: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
(Dear sister, only read this response with a pen and paper in hand. Answer all questions as you read. Jot down any thoughts that come to mind. Do not waste your time anymore! I think you have lost plenty, now it’s time to get your life back into your hands.)
The reason for student failure is not due to ignorance, low IQ, poverty, responsibilities, etc. The reason for poor student outcome is due to the word you have used so well: procrastination. It is a disease many students suffer from. If not corrected now, for the rest of your life it will haunt you. It will make your house a mess, your future a mess, the lives of those you love a wreck. We do poorly in life because of poor behavior patterns. To be a winner, you must function as winner. Do not become sidetracked.
Everybody likes a winner. Quran demands we first save ourselves from the fire. Ask yourself with seriousness, how can I be an asset to others when i fail to be an asset to myself? How can i be a helping hand to strangers when i fail to be of help to myself? Sister, treat life like an onion.
First you focus on the core – the inside, in this case yourself. What does your heart really want? What is failing you to get to that core of yourself? Gradually work your way outwards. For example, what does my religion demand of me with relation to my family? How can i live a life of balance? Sadly, we work our way inwards first, making sure our outer layers (the peel) looks nice and shiny, and as we age and have completed and failed half our life, we start to focus on the internal aspects. Sure, we agree, it’s never too late, but why waste half your life?
How to be a successful woman
- I am proud that you want to be the best woman you can be. Sadly, many modern women want to be woman and man, also known as the superwoman. In the end, such women hinder their own progress. They end up being neither, and purely confused as to their own existence. Sure we can place blame on male demands, culture, etc. In the end we are to win our own battles. I am glad you have seemingly realized this aspect of life.
- As the hadith states: each of you is a leader and a woman is the leader of her home. She is to be a master of it. She understands what keeps her members happy. She understands how to reprimand. She knows how to be kind and yet firm and stern. She knows her home and understand human relations concerning her home inside out. Unlike her counterparts who may thrive on the gossip upon the homes of others, she concerns herself with the mastery of her personal environment. She does not view her position as demeaning, she is proud of the position Allah has awarded her.
- Be proud of who you are. Being proud of who you are demands doing what you ought to be doing to make yourself the best in your field(s).
- Being the best does not mean locking yourself in the kitchen or in the bedroom. It demands continual responsibility. It means prioritizing yourself. Being a good cook does not mean spending your entire day in the kitchen. It requires prior planning. Example: Sit on your day off and set up your cooking schedule for the week. Buy all your ingredients on this off day of yours — just as professional cooks do. Get everything ready before you place things in their appropriate place. If you can cook things and place them in the refrigerator to beat the clock, then do so. IT’S ALL ABOUT PRIORITIZING! Successful (business) women have used this method. It requires determination. Yes, You Can!
- As far as cleaning up is concerned, ‘train’ people around you to be focused. Set a day aside to ensure the cleaning is done, preferably the same day you’re doing the week’s cooking. Train people to be responsible. Compliment them for tasks accomplished.
I want you to look at the following paragraph that we have formally published and make it your reality. It has worked for a for some rather well. Not doing so is not going to enhance your life any more than it is as of now. Still want to chance it?!
How to be successful as a student
- Success comes with superior study habits. This means, you review your work the night before the class begins. The professors’ lecture should exist for you to ask questions to help your mastering of the lesson. The professors lecture should not be new to you once your questions are answered. Any past material remains fair game to be tested upon. This should be your part of your student-philosophy
- Your job is not to flip burgers, chat with your friends, build dream houses or worry about the affairs of others. You JOB as a student is to study and be a student. That should be your priority. If you value yourself, then this should be already known to you
- Gain good study habits for lasting results. Set a fixed time for each subject. Set a fixed place to study. If your house has noise that cannot be controlled, then go to a library. If you feel you are going to chat with your friends at the library, then stay away from them until you have attained your success
- Learn to shut your cell phone off! Keep your personal emails aside. Distraction is what shaytan loves. The more poorly you do in life, the happier shaytan gets. Shaytan loves it when a Muslim becomes a loser!
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
note to questioner only: Say to yourself repeatedly: I MUST NOT Procrastinate, for Allah hates it when i do so. I MUST NOT Procrastinate for Allah hates it when i do so. I MUST NOT Procrastinate for Allah hates it when i do so. I MUST NOT Procrastinate for Allah hates it when i do so. I MUST NOT Procrastinate for Allah hates it when i do so. I MUST NOT Procrastinate for Allah hates it when i do so.
Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize your life!