look in the eye? stare? hand shake? forgiveness?

Salaamu Alaikum,

I have a few work related questions and another question on forgiveness.  I am sorry if I have asked too many questions.  Just some questions that I was wondering about.

Time: Tuesday April 20, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Q1.) How does one go about lowering their gaze when it comes to the opposite sex on a business occasion? Should one never look the opposite sex in the eye when speaking to them? How does one go about this in a respectable manner, so that one does not come across as disrespectful? Is it possible that this could effect the business situation in a positive or negative way?

A:Do not not intentionally place yourself in situations that would lower your standards to such an extent that you would have to look at woman, more so in a lustful manner. If you must look, do not have a blank stare. Ideal conditions demand that if we see the opposite gender, we must lower our gaze. We must limit our interaction with them to the extent of business. Never be alone with the opposite gender.  If one must look, look more away than at the person while not making it obvious that you are looking away, so as to not jeopardize your possible work options and blame religion for your downfall. Muslims need not jeopardize their success, at the same time one cannot let go of cherished values and pollute/contaminate halal earnings with improprieties.

What is meant to be would only take place. Deal with people that respect your values. It brings greater barakah (success) into your coffers. The beauty of imaan (faith) is tasted when we hold firm to our values. This allows us to taste the halawah (beautiful taste) of our imaan.

My responses may be misunderstood. I am responding from a western vantage point with religion also in mind. I am aware of the Ayah on zina, hadith on looking away from sinful entities, etc. If you can avoid an intermingling situation all together, awesome for you. If you are in a powerful position that allows you to command a moral behavior, we pray for your continued success. The above answer is for the one in survival mode with the current economy in mind; in other words, it’s situational response. The pious should reject part of the above without viewing themselves as pious, for that would eliminate piety!

Q2.) Should one also refrain from shaking hands with the opposite sex when it is in a business/group setting?

A: Reflect and introspect on this good question that was sent a while back. If not clear, please send back your query.

Q3.) A boss or co-worker tells you that you have done a good job at a particular task and they really makes a big deal about the good job that one has done, in front of a group of people. What is the best way to give Allah the credit in a business setting?  What is the best way if a boss or co-worker comes to you one on one and talks about the good job?  Is it ok to say alhumdulilah when they are non Muslim?

A: You have not asked for the praise, these kind words are from Allah. Accept it as such. If you are not asked to comment, keep silent and present a cordial acknowledgment through a polite smile or head nod. Your task as a Muslim is to not jeopardize your possible work options and later blame religion for your downfall. If you are asked to comment, merely state the following: I thank my crew/team and the Almighty for assisting us all. One can say Alhamdullillah in one’s heart or softly for purposes of humility when confronted with non-Muslims in the above situation described. To flaunt one’s imaan is not an indication of piety. To contain it and deal with it according to the situation is piety in its truest sense.

Q4.) If you hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally, should you always ask them to forgive you for hurting them?  Or should we just pray to Allah for forgiveness?

A: Yes. If they are alive, you must ask them for forgiveness. For purposes of piety, and superior spiritual well-being, hurt should be viewed as hurt — intentional or unintentional. This is how adults should be. You have a choice my brother/sister,  pay now or pay on the day of Judgment!

If deceased, compensate their family without making the matter more grave by opening up wounds. Be good to all those they were good towards if they have passed on. Make dua (prayer) for them. Make dua for all those you despise so as to soften your heart. Give charity on their behalf if they have passed away and ask Allah to give them the reward.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

You have not asked too many questions. They are perfect questions we are all confronted with. We wish you the best. Time does not allow us to delve deeper into your matters. Members of our audience can possible help you as well.

Advertisements

3 responses to “look in the eye? stare? hand shake? forgiveness?

  1. Westener comment in regards to Q4: I have tried to continually ask forgivness of someone who is very close to me and whom I respect very much. He is a muslim, I wonder, does it count if you try to reach the person and they refuse to speak to you? I am very ill right now, and might not recover. I wanted to let this special person know that I am sorry, and to please forgive me for any past misjudgments. (I couldnt think of the right word here)

  2. Q4.) If you hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally, should you always ask them to forgive you for hurting them? Or should we just pray to Allah for forgiveness?
    Please Help!
    In regard to Q4: I have tried to continually ask forgivness of someone who is very close to me and whom I respect very much. What if you try to reach the person and they refuse to speak to you? I wanted to let this person know that I am sorry, and to forgive me for any past comments I might have made I did not mean to hurt him intentionally. My spiritual well being is being affected, and its affecting my bodily healing because this is bothering my subconscious. Believe me I have done a fair share of praying for the both of us.

  3. Pingback: I talk to my fiancé in ramadhan « Islam In Action