marry up or down?

Comment: I have a question about this particular comment, “It is always best for a woman to marry a person that is more successful than her in all matters. Be it religion, wealth, education, etc.” I don’t doubt that this is true, but why is this best? What if a woman is more successful than her husband in these areas, but he is still able to maintain his position as head of the household and financially support his family is there anything wrong with that?

A: Our response is based on the research relating to compatibility and sharia.

Yes, I am aware I am living in America, the world of perceptual freedom and equality. But let us not underestimate the nature of people – men and women alike. Under ideal conditions, your claim is perfect. It sounds so fair and loving as well as accommodating. Reality proves otherwise for persons new into a relationship. The loving nature of humans is shared to me on regular basis. Ex: a newly wedded couple remained perfect until both of them lost their employment and she found her new pal via Facebook in a distant state. Yes, she made more money than him! As she articulated: I am tired of giving more than I can receive. To be fair to her, she may have been correct. Do you agree with me? (to be fair, his words at the time of marriage were as follows: ‘I got no probs with a woman making more dough than me. This is America bro and it’s the 21st century.’ When she walks out, can I say, this is America bother, so let her go?

Traditionally, a man remains a man in a situation wherein a woman does not dictate to him how he ought to live his life! More so when he is living by the rules of east and west. For example, if she is more religious than him, she would demand her religious rights beyond the necessary, since she knows more about religion than him. On the surface, this may resonate positively. Reality demands otherwise, for her excessive piety would frustrate him. Again, an example of a personal case: no eating out (ever) for it takes away the barakah and expresses negativity in the home as well as it remains an insult to a woman who allows her husband to eat the food of people who are strangers. Better yet, I have proof that doing Eid with mecca is wrong and here are my Arabic skills to prove it. I would prefer to live in an apartment than live in a 5 bedroom home for it is wastage to live in a home that we do not need. So the man is EVERY WEEK in my office to help reinterpret the situation! It is not that he does not seek positive spiritual change, but compatibility on all matters should have been somewhat better negotiated. Marriage is to be enjoyable, not arguable!

It sounds very Westernized when stated: yes, so what if she is more successful than me? Reality would state: women generally prefer men that are the heads of the household in the true sense of the word. American literature has its roots in the domain of Greek literature, etc. Media likewise has not helped the Muslim trail much. It is fair to state: women prefer a man about whom they can say to their friends: he is the father of the kids, their father is such and such, his education level is  x, y and z. etc. Woman despise saying:  the father is there, but I am the one that is the brain behind it all. He did not even have a job, I had to write his first resume, etc. It all sounds cute at first that she is helping him, but once the romantic phase ends, reality is demanded. The last thing a person needs is resentment on any given matter, more so when it could have been avoided.

Thus, it is best for a man to excel in every area that is related to him, so his wife can appreciate him, children can respect him and  never have to view their father as ignorant or ineffectual, or perceive two daddies exist in a given home because daddy is really not into being a daddy!

Head of household in its truest sense refers to being a man in every area that is linked to being a man. Sure, sometimes a woman may need to support her husband to tough times. This should not be the rule.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.


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