my question was, are women allowed to go to the cemetery, and if not what is the reason behind it and if yes what should you read when you go and who should you they go with.
Time: Sunday March 21, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Is it permissible for females to go to the grave yard and make du’a for a lost one or read the quran at their grave??
Answer: وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
The following two hadith has created confusion in the minds of many, resulting in contradictory rulings and naive opinions that are hostile or plain liberal to the understanding of rights pertaining to woman and the graveyard.
Imam Tirmidhi and Imam Abu Dawood make mention of ahaadith– although the word usage are not identical for both these Muhadith, the outcome is about the same. Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi wa Sallam) has stated: Allah has cursed the woman who goes often to visit graves. (paraphrased)
Sayyidina Abdullah ibn Masood (RA) reports that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi wa Sallam) said, ‘I had prohibited you from visiting the grave, (however as of now) you all should visit it for it reminds one of the Hereafter.’ (Imaam Muslim)
The above is not contradictory: By making tatbeeq, as do jurists in the field (tatbeeq being a joining between the above without creating a contradiction), we can state: a woman can go to the cemetery, however it is best for her to abstain from going into the cemetery without a valid reason. For example, with every death in the community, she need not make it a social outing/event.
It would be preferred that a woman waits by the gate or boundary/fence area, rather than entering the section of the buried — so as to make amal (keeping in action and in mind) on both of the above hadith. This would be best for her.
If due to uncontrollable emotions, like the passing away of a child, if it would help her emotions and well-being, she could go for short periods of time with her mahram. She can read Quran, tasbeeh, etc. near the grave. She cannot read to the dead, rather, a person can read for Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) and request Allah that the reward that is attained be sent to the deceased. As a woman, she must limit the time she spends at the graveyard. If possible, she must gradually phase out this behavior so as to not make it a habit. She must insist on going when least people are present. This is best for women.
Rules of modesty must be maintained and emotions must be contained. She must not fix a particular day to attend, eg. the Monday her father/child passed away, etc. She must attend with a mahram.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
p.s. Similar questions about women and graveyard have been sent prior. I apologize for not responding to them. My apologies also, we are aware as to which hadith came first, and thus the at-times conflicting responses by reputable scholars. We have responded in the view of collaboration of hadith and the possible elimination of fitnah (in this case, by fitnah we mean spiritual corruption.)