‘gave way to the devil’

Q: (comment) hi, im a muslim girl but sadly i gave my way to the devil and lost my virginity. However, the boy i lost it to has agreed to convert not only for me but because he was brought up in XXXX  (country name omitted)  and has had Islam in his life since he was a baby and has come to love it. He also wants to get married with me so that he can fix the mistake we made. However, my parents do not know about the situation and it is impossible to tell them at the moment because i know they will refuse the marriage because he is a brown man. I was wondering if it was ok if we got married by a iman and not tell my parents until a few years pass? I dnt want to be living a life of sin and lately i have distanced myself from religion and trying to make things better by obeying Allah’s ways.

A: The following advice is for a person that can legally get married in the manner that the law requires.

It is only due to the Mercy of Allah (SWT) that you are regretting the wrongs you have committed. In this aspect you are blessed. Allah (SWT) has chosen to guide you out of darkness into the realm of his greater Noor. Being remorseful for wrongs you have committed is a positive sign. Allah (SWT) is guiding you towards change; you should consider this a gift from the Creator. Do not let this moment go by without positive notice. Pursue change and self-reflection for a better respectable future. We wish we all could be inspired like you so as to create change within ourselves, Ameen.

If zina (adultery) cannot be stopped by the both of you, then it is best for both of you to get married. Tawba is required by the both of you as well. Continue to distance yourself from this man until your future gets more fixed. Example: proposal for marriage from him, or arrangements for you to marry someone else, (without trickery of course) etc. Guilt should not be the reason for your marriage. ‘Fixing the mistake’ as you put it, cannot always function as a sound excuse for marriage either.  His shame is admirable. Marriage should be your preference if you are fixed upon zina and cannot let go of this wretched habit. Marriage should also be your option if you know you can fulfill this great obligation without limitations or excesses.

Both of you must also seek the counsel of your parents. To live in the state of zina deprives a person from the Mercy and love of Allah (SWT) and constitutes a major sin. For your parents to deny marriage to a Muslim merely based on his skin color alone would be wrong, more so, if both of you are compatible. Secret marriages are not our preference; it should not be yours as well. If you have no other choice whilst being an adult and are inclined towards zina, than only in such an instance can an allowance be given for a secret marriage.  Secret marriages can only be pursued as a last resort.

Since you are to share the news to your parents in a few years, it is best you break the news to them now; provided that you do not anticipate harm upon either of you.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

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