back in the arms of my ex who axed me

Q: salamalaykum i have a question my husband said talaq 3 times on one occasion i accepted it i did khular gave him back his mahr and he accepted this the reason for the divorce was domestic and physical abuse and verbal abuse i moved home one mounth afetr this we had a sexual account and was a mistake he took advantage of me and emotionally blackmailing me and it happened and i deeply regret it but never meant to happen i still dont live with him i have no feelings for him and find it unbearable to see his face i would like to remarry inshalla later on but am not sure if it is halal i have 2 mounths of iddah left and ive tried my best to go back to him but i cant i hate him i dont have children and after this sexual account i took day after pill to prevent pregnancy please email me asap XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX or ring and leave me message of advice xxxxxxxxxxx many thanks

Time: Monday December 7, 2009 at 6:00 am

A:  وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

  1. Based on what you shared to us, you are divorced. Your acceptance of the talaq or rejection of it is irrelevant.
  2. There was no need to give your husband anything. Once he said talaq three times, islamically you are viewed as divorced. Giving your ex-husband the mehr back is not valid. He was a thief for accepting it as part of khula. If you gave it back as a gift, the matter would be different.
  3. You do not need to put up with the type of abuse you have described. No person does.
  4. Your iddat needs to be completed.
  5. Since residing in your parents home is possible, you should be confined to it, so as to prevent yourself from more sinning.
  6. You need to reflect on your future. You sound in need of great social and psychological help. You are suffering from great pain. Take responsibility of your actions and move on with your life. Make tawba.  Go to a caring muslimah that is qualified in the area of social and spiritual aspects of religion for help.

Allah certainly knows best.

p.s. Sorry for not ‘ringing’ you or leaving a  message. You welcome to conference call us with your ex and parents on the line should any of the above be unclear. The response is based on what you have sent us. Kindly take your case and our response to your local scholar for a full and final resolution of your problem. Sincerely we wish you the best.

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