I am a sister in need of help.I have been married for a couple of years and a couple of months ago my husband has come to the States. We are struggling in our marriage. The first month he was here, I saw a picture of him and his ‘other women.’ I told my wali’s and they told me to give him another chance and to wait a month.
I am not sure of what to do. I feel as though he only wanted to come to the States. Imam what should I do? I would also like to mention that the marriage has not been consummated.
Jazkallah and hope Allah rewards you.
Time: Monday December 7, 2009
A. وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
Based on what you alone have mentioned to us, the following is shared to you:
*Seeing a picture(s) is not indicative of adultery or valid grounds for the talaq.
*When marrying a foreigner, American woman (and men) are aware that the person they are marrying may want more then just marriage. Should it be true that you were tricked as a door way to ‘glorious’ America and can prove manipulation by your wali or other significant persons, than only would your grounds for divorce remain strong. As you mentioned, ‘i feel as though he only wanted to come to the united states.’ A mere hunch or feeling is not sufficient grounds for divorce in Islam.
*You need to prove incompatibility to your Wali as well. You need your husband to state to you in the presence of witnesses that he married you as a gateway to America.
*If it is your first marriage and you have shared the above concerns to your wali, then it is only fair that you go towards an abrogation of the Nikah, or request a divorce from a group of legitimate party. Generally, marriages of this nature always remain an uphill battle, more so if your mindset is on a foundation of negativity. (Simply put, when one party feels used and cannot be convinced otherwise, then chances are great that the outcome of such a marriage would be adverse.)
Compounded is the fact that you have not consummated the marriage. Lack of consummation only helps share the possible incompatibility, repulsion, or extreme caution you have so as to save yourself from the complexities of marriage and commitment. It could also be a cultural action or a form of manipulation so as to get him to leave you.(If you are true to your word, then note: green card seekers do not leave easily. Again, you should have sort your divorce prior. Delaying only makes your case weaker.
In recent cases, woman that refuse (adult related) intimacy, refuse to do so as a result of someone else they are pursuing for marriage. We hope the latter is not part of your case.
We think you both should go for joint counseling before you seek finality in your divorce. Your wali should also attend some of your counseling sessions.
We hope the light at the end of your tunnel shines soon, Ameen.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.