Q. Is it permissible for a man and woman to get married without parental consent?
Q. Is there a hadith stopping us to marry. Some agree and some don’t, can you help?
Q. Is it compatibility we look for in marriage? Or is it consent from mom and dad?
Answer: Upon a proposal coming for one’s child, parents are responsible for the selection of the spouse for their children with the consent of the child. One aspect deals with the compatibility between the intended couples. The other deals with parental consent so as to give the couple their blessings. Having this in the midst of your mental reservoirs, take note of what Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) mentioned: ‘a nikah without the consent of the wali is batil‘ (void, not having any religious weight.) Here Batil can mean one of two things: such a nikah is void, and thus you both would be living in the state of adultery and sin; or as other scholars have stated, batil means a wretched, disliked and a reprehensible action had taken place in the Sight of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Both definitions imply that one should be cautious with their independent mindset on marriage.
Thus, a person insisting on marring a partner without parental consent would be aiding Shaytan to get the better of them. Parents usually toil in the best interest of their children, and their decisions are to prove this as well. Thus, parents examine areas of compatibility in order to be able to give their consent to the most suitable partner. Thus, a son or daughter should never overlook this significant aspect. Matchmakers and third parties eager to volunteer their help should not forget the importance of including parents/guardians (who raised a child worthy enough for the third party to marry off) and other persons as part of the marital process. To ignore critical guardians would be to cause an unwanted and avoidable curse-filled violation upon the self.
By contrast, if the girl and boy are a good moral couple, pious and upright in their actions, and the parents refuse to get such a couple married without just cause, and instead seek a corrupt person for their child, then the matter would be entirely different. Generally, such is not the case. As we are aware, ‘good boys and good girls’ do not refuse the request of their parents to things that are based on good faith and religiosity. When there is disagreement over the proposal that seems good, then of course the parents of the dissenting party (son or daughter) should defer to the child. And as always in the matters of great importance to one’s life, salaat ul isthikhara (prayer for guidance from Allah) should be undertaken.
Thus, depending on the situation, permissibility may exist for some, while not for others.
May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) bless us all with good religious, faithful and compatible people to be with whilst fulfilling the criteria of ‘good consent’ as well, Ameen.
Allah certainly knows best.
